Exhilarated and fired up! Drained and surrendering. That is how I feel after 20 hours of yoga training this past weekend. Light/dark, strong/weak, confident/self doubting – all at once. Today I am reflecting on the dual nature of all things, but specifically related to me and my experience.
Among all of the universal truth reminders, this one remained with me as I left the studio, my weary brain and body feeling the effects of a second 10-hour day of listening, processing, sitting on the floor, and moving on the mat. Yes, I felt relief as I headed home, but I also felt super-charged, creative!
At any given time, I am usually more aware of one side of an experience or a feeling, and that becomes my reality. ”I feel weary” usually feels one-sided and exhausting. At those times it is hard to remember how much vitality I usually feel. ”I am feeling alive and fired up” is normally a mood that forgets what it felt like to have self-doubt.
At the outset of the weekend, we all chose a word to describe yoga for us (at that time). My word? BALANCE! Processing the experience, I find it interesting to see that my biggest take-away was precisely that. It was a great reminder – both sides of a feeling are always there, although one usually dominates in the moment. When I feel weak, I will feel strong again, and my strengths will not be unchanging.
I am usually aggressive with my physical body. I grew up in an atmosphere that celebrated being tough, and I am proud of that. Arguably the most stinging insult as a child was “wimp”. God forbid!
But I am learning that babying my body is necessary at times. Pushing through pain is not always (ever?) a good thing.
I remind myself that the sore part of my upper left leg has been alternating between “kind of ok” to “ouch” to “a little better” for months. It took this past weekend to realize that . . .
AHA! I am both strong and fragile. Just because I can doesn’t always mean I should. I recognize that I will feel strong again, and in that strength, I will remember the potential for weakness.